Service, Please!

Let me start out by saying that most of the time, I think people who work in service oriented positions do a great job and are generally under appreciated. I get angry when I see someone yelling at some poor waiter at a restaurant or mistreating someone behind a counter (whether at a bank, a government agency, or a fast food restaurant).

That caveat out of the way, let me tell you a story. The story is an implied rant.
About three years ago, my wife and I bought a house. This was a newly built home, so all services (water, electricity, etc.) all had to be set up for the first time. That's a lot of phone calls to a lot of service people. For the most part it went fine, until it came time to call the cable company.

Sue and I are taking turns making all these calls and handling all these arrangements, as well as all the other little odds and ends you have to take care of when you're moving (I could do a whole rant on moving -- man, do I hate moving. I'd rather sell all my things and buy new stuff when I get where I'm going. Anyway...) The cable company is my turn. So I call them up.
I talk to some guy. He tells me that they need to come out to my house to see if I can indeed get cable. "The people next door have cable," I say. Doesn't matter. A guy's gotta come out in a van and check out all the connections outside the house, or something. I won't even know if he's been to the house, because he'll probably come while I was at work (this is back when I worked at Wizards of the Coast). Okay. How long will that take? The guy on the phone tells me it'll be two to three days. The cable people will call me when he has come out and I am in their computer system. Fine.

Four days later I call again. (My wife is smart -- when she talks to these people, she gets their names so she can talk to the same person again. I'm not smart.) I talk to someone else. I ask if we can have cable, and has the guy come out yet? They tell me all the same stuff, and that we're not in their system, so the guy didn't come out yet. But I shouldn't call -- they'll call me. "But why didn't he come yet?" I ask. That's normal, I'm told. It usually takes at least five business days.

Six business days later, I call again. Yet again, some other person. I ask if we can have cable. I'm not in their system, she says. A guy has to come out and check to see if we can get cable, she says. I tell her that I know all that, and that I've called before. "Oh, well," she says. "There's no need to call us. We'll call you. It usually takes at least a week." (It's been, if you're counting, 10 days already.)

A week later, I call again. I tell the person on the phone my sad tale of cablelessness. They explain that they can't do anything until someone comes out. I say that I called to have someone come out over two weeks ago. That's not surprising, I'm told. It usually takes two to three weeks.

Much to my amazement, a few days later, a guy shows up at my house in a cable company van around dinnertime. I'm pleased as punch that this will finally all be taken care of, and I go out to talk to him. He pokes around my yard and then tells me that he can't check whatever it is that needs checking. Somebody else has to come with some tri-corder or divining rod or something and find the proper cables underground. ("You're the cable guy," I'm thinking, "and you don't have the cable-finding machine? Didn't you think it was possible that you might need it?" But I don't say anything: I can't make them mad or I'll never get cable. They'll put a big X on my computer file forever if I don't smile and take it -- except that I'm not in their computer yet. I didn't think of that at the time.)

"So what should I do?" I ask. He tells me to do nothing. He himself will send someone to come out with the magic machine and find the cables. I don't have to call. I shouldn't call. The guy with the sensor array will be here in a couple of days.

A week goes by. And yes, I call the cable company. I explain the situation, and the person on the phone interrupts me and says, "You can't be in our system until the technician confirms that you are set up to have cable." I tell her that I know that, I know that very well. I tell her that we're movie channel sort of people -- HBO, Showtime, etc. We're going to order one of their big, expensive packages. Lots of money every month from now until we die. We're dying to give this money to her. We're waiting and calling, eager to fork over this monthly pile of dough. We'll send that check each month with a smile on our faces.

She tells me that a technician will be out in two to three days. She tells me I shouldn't call. They'll call me.

Fine.

Fine. Fine... Fine.

I drive down to the electronics store. I pay way too much for a satellite dish. I arrange for a guy to come to install it. He actually comes. We get a gajillion channels (most of which we don't watch, but that's still another rant). All the while, I'm smiling. I'm plotting. I am planning for what I'm going to tell the cable person when they finally call and tell me that I can get cable. I'm going to tell them how much money I pay each month for the dish. I'm going to multiply that times the number of months that are probably left in my life and tell them how much money they lost because they gave me the runaround. I'm going to show them. I'm going to really give them a piece of my mind. Customer service my butt. Boy, when they call, I'm going to really tell them what I think. It's going to be great, I tell myself. I just have to wait for them to call me.

That was three years ago. I'm still waiting.

[Editor's Note: Just wait till you hear our "getting DSL" story.... -- Sue]